Willow and Wave: The Surfer and the Yogi

The wound is the place where the Light enters you. --Rumi

When I was a young girl I slipped out from under a blow-up swim ring at the lake near our home. I panicked, flailing and gulping water until a nearby adult grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to safety. From that point on, I was terrified of drowning. Despite a number of swimming lessons throughout my life, I'm still not a strong swimmer. That childhood experience, and the accompanying emotions are as fresh in my mind as the day it happened.

When I begin to write a new book, one of the first things I do is trace a line backward to a source of fear or pain in each new character I create. Relatable human beings, not just flat images on a page, are what draws me in as a reader. I want to know why Sirona took up midwifery, why Coyote takes lone walks at night, and why Goji traveled to India to explore mysticism instead of becoming a lawyer. I expect you do, too.

We are all molded through the nurturing we received as children. But that form is malleable, shifting shape through a litany of experiences, some that leave indelible scars. In the case of Wave, conventional parents mocked his teen-aged longing to become a singer. He left his home in Fresno and headed for the ocean, where he honed his musical skills and learned to surf. But his ambition and bravery were eventually curbed by the practical aspects of the music industry and the unpredictability of Mother Nature.

In the following scene from my forthcoming novel, Clover Blue sits in the woods with Wave, who is teaching his young mentee to play guitar:

When I ask how he first came here, Wave traces the scar on his thigh and smiles. “After the shark attack I gave up surfing and spent most days outside a coffee shop in Bodega Bay, singing for tips.”

“I don’t blame you for being afraid of the ocean after that.”

Wave slowly shakes his head. “Respect, not fear. It was a good lesson and I don’t need to learn it twice.” He strokes the neck of his beat-up guitar. “I taught myself how to play when I was your age. I had big dreams of becoming a famous singer either by myself or with a band. In the sixties, everybody and his brother was a folk singer so it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.”

We later learn that Wave eventually joined Saffron Freedom Community, where he met his soulmate, Willow, a yoga enthusiast. Willow is tall and strong and disciplined in her daily practice of yoga and meditation. From the outside, she appears solid and unwavering in her status as the group's alpha female, often delegating chores to the other sister-mothers, though she is the only woman who remains childless. 

When a new girl (Rain) arrives at the commune, she asks Clover Blue to help her get to know the others. This is how he describes Willow to her. 

"Willow holds her thoughts inside. She keeps us on track with things like homework and chores. She taught me to read by the time I was four."

What neither Blue nor Rain can possibly know is that Willow's deep focus and intense discipline is steeped in the chaos of former experiences. Beneath her strong exterior, she harbors a deep pain that grows into a hardened knot, one that no asana can ever unwind. Willow can try to control herself and the people around her, but eventually she must allow herself to be vulnerable or risk becoming the knot itself.

Jumping back to my own childhood swimming trauma, many years later my young son and I signed up for a river rafting expedition while on vacation near Moab. The trip was overbooked, so Jacob and I were put in an inflatable "ducky" kayak and instructed to follow behind the larger raft. I was nervous, of course, but my son was so excited I couldn't back out. Besides, we were wearing life vests. What could go wrong? A few things, as it turns out. 

Being an inexperienced kayaker, I paddled too close behind the large raft. When the back end of the big yellow raft lifted out of the river rapids, I over-corrected to keep from nosing under it. The ducky flipped and dumped my son and me into the rapids. While seasoned company employees rescued Jacob, I found myself stuck under the kayak, unable to right it.The river current sent me hurtling into yet more frothing rapids. Terrified, I was seven years old all over again, certain I was about to drown.

And then something shifted. I stopped panicking and accepted my situation. I remember thinking, "I'm going to drown." I was taking water into my lungs, and yet I relaxed. It was the most peaceful moment I've ever experienced, almost blissful. I could see light shining through the blue plastic of the duckie, like a summer sky. And in that serene moment of acceptance, a voice in the back of my mind said, punch the ducky one more time. So I did, and it flipped off and away from me.

I tell this story because so often we react from a place of past fear, guilt, pain or unmet needs. It's human nature to try and fix the past by attempting to control the present. But control is an illusion. Eventually Wave will need to choose whether to face his fears and ride his board into the surf again. Willow will choose whether to confront her past demons as well. It's one of life's biggest questions: Do we let the past form us or inform us?

I hope you'll lose yourself in CLOVER BLUE's world, surrounded by all these unique characters as they make their choices, good and bad. Only fifty more days to go! You can pre-order the book from amazon. Better yet, pre-order CLOVER BLUE from your local bookstore here.

Join me for the exciting book launch of CLOVER BLUE and the paperback release of THIS I KNOW

Upcoming 2019 Dates:

Loutit Library

407 Columbus St, Grand Haven, MI
Thurs May 16, 7:00 PM

The Bookman

714 Washington Grand Haven, MI
Sunday May 19, 1:00 PM

Barnes & Noble 

894 Marsh St. San Luis Obispo, CASaturday June 1, 2:00 PM

Mystery Monday Dinner Adventure

18512 McArthur Blvd, Irvine, CA
Monday June 3, 6:00 PM

The Book Loft

1680 Mission Dr. Solvang, CA
Saturday June 8, 1:00 PM

Carlsbad Library

1775 Dove Lane, Carlsbad, CA
Sunday June 9, 2:00 PM

Chaucer's Bookstore

3321 State St., Santa Barbara, CA
Monday, July 29, 7:00 PM

Books Inc Palo Alto

855 El Camino Real, Palo Alto, CA
Thursday, August 1, 7:00 PM

Copperfield's Books

138 N. Main St, Sebastopol, CA
Friday August 2, 7:00 PM

Finding Harmony: Every Protagonist Needs a Best Friend

Your heart and my heart are very good friends. --Rumi

We've all had that one friend. She's more daring than you. She laughs loudly at her own jokes and doesn't hesitate to make you the butt of some of them. She's a little bit wild or maybe a lot wild and she often makes you uncomfortable but you secretly admire her temerity. Above all she's that fiercely loyal friend that champions your successes and mourns your losses. She would probably go to jail for you, if not lay down her life.

Today we'd call that person our BFF but Clover Blue simply calls her Harmony, the one person who understands him better than anyone else at Saffron Freedom Community. Harmony was just  five, the same age as Blue, when she and her mother, Gaia moved to SFC in the fall of 1969. Here's how he describes their arrival in my forthcoming novel, CLOVER BLUE.

I remember Harmony running out from behind her mother’s legs to give me a hug. Unlike me, she was used to being around strangers. She grabbed my hand and said, “Let’s go play!” so I took her to see our new chickens. She wasn’t the least bit afraid. She cornered one of the hens, picked it up, and kissed it. “I love you!” she said, and squeezed the squawking bird before letting it go and chasing after the next one. From that day on I’ve spent as much time as possible trying to absorb her courage, her bright fire. 

I loved writing this character, the charming foil to my earnest protagonist's more staid and careful personality. She's an artist who carries her sketchpad everywhere. She pushes Blue, often to the brink of embarrassment, possibly terror, as she romps wildly through the pages of Blue's life. Although all "Youngers" in the commune are considered siblings and the rivalry between Blue and Harmony is apparent, they forge a friendship that goes beyond family, a bond so closely interwoven that each feels lost without the other. When Harmony runs off in a fit a anger, it's Blue who always knows where to find her.

When nobody’s paying attention, I slip behind the outhouse and over the hill and race toward the woods. Just inside the cover of trees, I hook a quick right along the edge to our secret deer path. I follow it to a wooden bridge that Harmony and I made from a fallen log, and cross the creek. I stop when I get to the hollowed-out trunk. It used to be big enough for us both to curl up inside together and tell stories. I drop to my knees and poke my head inside. Sure enough, there she is, looking as mean and stubborn as that rooster we had for a while before it got eaten by a bobcat.

Blue knows that Harmony's roughshod rebelliousness and unpredictable temper is an attempt to hide the pain she feels after Gaia abandons her. Harmony is just eight years old when her mother leaves for a Grateful Dead concert and doesn't return. Blue understands all too well what it's like not knowing where one's mother is, as he's never been told who his biological parents are. With the urging of his fearless best friend, Harmony, he's finally able to risk everything in his quest for truth.

What about you? Do you have a fiercely loyal friend like Harmony who is the fire to your water, the woo-hoo to your uh-oh? Give them a shout out here, or on my Facebook author page where I've linked this post. I'll be drawing a name for two decks of CLOVER BLUE playing cards, one each for you and your friend.

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I'm blogging about the characters leading up to the release of CLOVER BLUE, now available for pre-order online or better yet, pre-order from your local bookstore! Be sure to follow my blog by clicking on the link in the upper right column to be notified of new content and future giveaways!

Hippies and Gurus and Communes, Oh My!

Back then it was just the six of us: Goji, Willow, Wave, Jade, Doobie, and me. I don’t remember much from the first couple years after I came here, but sometime during that summer my memories kick in, as if my brain suddenly threw the switch that saves stuff.  --Clover Blue

When I was a girl I envied my sisters for each having a unique nickname, endearingly handed out by my dad. My oldest sibling Sharon was called Queenie due to her towering height. Luanne was LuLu, Mari-Beth was Izzy, Nita was Neat (although she spelled it "Nete") and LaVonne was Ree, short for her middle name, Marie.  My baby brother David we called Gus, or more commonly, Gassy Gus, for obvious reasons. Me? I was simply Donna, although my sisters recently informed me that my nickname was actually Pinch-Face so maybe I just blocked the memory. 

One of the most thrilling parts of beginning a new novel is getting to name your "children". CLOVER BLUE is set in a 1960s/70s Northern California spiritual commune led by a quiet but charismatic man who gathers like-minded people to live a life that he terms The Peaceful Way. Each member of Saffron Freedom Community chooses or is given a new name when they join the family. As someone who lives in California and with a twenty-five-year career in massage therapy, I'm pretty sure I've heard every hippie-dippy-woo-woo-hooky-do name out there so I assumed this task would be easy. 

Long before typing the first words of the book, I made a list of my characters and their qualities, then assigned them a unique name. Besides Clover Blue and his best friend Harmony, whose namings are revealed as the story unfolds, Jao Ji  was the first name that came to me for the group's founder, given to him by an Indian guru. I wanted the leader's title to be a bit of a puzzle, just as he is. I liked the sound of the word. In Hindi Jao means "go" and Ji is a suffix of respect. So to my mind, having traveled throughout Eastern Asia before starting the commune, it felt like a fitting name for him. 

The next two names were given to prominent characters Willow and Wave, who, despite the free love enjoyed during the sexual revolution, remain steadfast in their love for each other. Willow is a skilled yogi and Wave a former surfer who abandoned the sea after an encounter with a shark. Another original member, Doobie gets his moniker from not only being the family marijuana cultivator, but also the person who consumes most of the product. It's a friendly name, which reflects Doobie's easy-going personality. 

On and on my list went with names like Lyric, Tao, Peace, Feather and Earth, a singer-songwriter, a thespian, a war protester, a bee-keeper and a wildish woman who worships nature. As the story progresses, three more characters show up: a teen-aged girl called Rain, midwife Serena, and Lotus, a neighboring artist. Other characters appear on the list, minor characters, and together I created a lively cast of spiritual seekers devoted to living a peaceful life in nature, far from the madding crowd. But as the story unfolded on the pages and these people came into better focus, they evolved from simple characters to three-dimensional human beings with a past and a purpose. Some wore their names perfectly while others began to slough off the names I'd given them, begging for a more suitable one. 

Jao Ji became Goji, a bastardization of what his teacher had called him, underscoring his flawed self-image. Rather than "Respected Traveler" his name became simply a plant with berries. Peace was renamed Coyote when he evolved from being just an army deserter to a man whose integrity runs much deeper than his politics. Earth became Gaia as she grew into her unpredictable wildness. I changed Feather to Jade because she is a much stronger, more independent woman than I'd first imagined. And sadly, Lyric and Tao disappeared from the pages as I tightened the cast and killed off my darlings.

What I realized while writing Clover Blue is that it would have been easy to take the lazy route and write caricatured versions of every hippie or flower child I've ever met, read about or seen on the screen. But the characters in CLOVER BLUE are more than their names. They are part of a collective tribe yet each with distinct passions and motivations, just like you and me. Mine just happens to be conjuring worlds full of imagined people and places to entertain and hopefully, enlighten readers. I sincerely hope you enjoy the time you spend with them as much as I did creating them.

CLOVER BLUE is now available for Pre-Order!

When Breath Becomes Heir

*Note: Beginning last week with the Cover Reveal for my next book, CLOVER BLUE, I'll be posting weekly-ish peeks into the story ahead of release on May 28, 2019. Be sure to subscribe via the button on the left to stay updated! 

When I was about seven years old, I sat at my desk in our tiny elementary school, staring at the pencil between my fingers, turning my hand this way and that. I remember very distinctly a dawning awareness of my hand attached to my arm, my breaths leaving my mouth, my body separate from my thoughts. In that brief existential moment, I suddenly understood that what I was, was not who I was. 

It was a strange feeling, this new realization that my body would grow and change but that the person inside having those thoughts would remain. The experience, however brief, left an indelible mark on my memory. At fifty-nine years old I still remember that epiphany almost as clearly as if it happened yesterday. 

As children we accept what we're told and rarely question the past as it fades in the wake of our maturation. And yet for most of us, there comes a point where we begin to ponder our existence, how we fit into the world, our families and the surrounding environment. We yearn to identify as a member of the human tribe that begins with our parents and siblings, stretching outward toward extended family, friends, and community. The older we get, the more our world expands to include our country, our planet, and the seemingly-infinite universe. 

In my next novel, Clover Blue, my young protagonist is missing a piece of his biological puzzle. He lives in a spiritual commune in Northern California without running water or electricity. Each day begins with yoga and ends with meditation. They sleep in an elaborate treehouse, raise their own food, and the Youngers are nature-schooled. Clover Blue is twelve years old when he begins to reflect upon his connections beyond Saffron Freedom Community:

I have no memory of anything before here. Sometimes when we’re in town at the library or the store, I hear a voice and it sounds familiar. Once in a while a smell reaches into my brain and tries to call up the past, but it’s always dark and flat. Maybe I don’t want to remember. Maybe it was bad. Or maybe it was so good it would hurt too much to remember.

And so begins Blue's search for identity among the ragtag tribe of folks who've raised

him. People like Goji, the commune founder, Jade, their former beekeeper, Wave, a guitar-playing surfer and his "old lady" Willow, a yoga enthusiast. Although Blue loves his unique family--especially his funny and fiercely independent best friend, Harmony--he aches to know more about his roots and how he ended up at Saffron Freedom Community. 

What about you? Can you remember when you first began to assert your autonomy as an individual? Was it a lightning bolt revelation or was it a more gradual understanding of your place in the world?

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Have I piqued your interest yet? I hope you'll follow this blog to learn more about my earnest young protagonist and his ragtag tribe. If you add Clover Blue to your Goodreads shelf and your BookBub wish-list you'll be notified of any news like giveaways or deals. The book is also available for pre-order online. Descriptions of all my books, including my debut novel This I Know and my memoir Lost In Transplantation can be found HERE. 

Birth of A Book (And A Cover Reveal!)

Birth of Venus by Sandro Botticelli

As I read excerpts from my novels while leading a recent writing workshop  at our local library, it occurred to me that although not intentional, both This I Know and my 2019 release, Clover Blue begin with a birth. The prologue of This I Know features twins Grace and Isaac communicating their last thoughts to each other during the final moments before birth:

I'm spooning my Other, my belly to his back. I love the way his body feels against mine. Although we've changed positions many times,  we always come back to this...

My goal was to capture the sibling's love for each other, but also their fear of separation. I'm not a twin and of course I don't remember being in the womb, but I do know how it feels to love. And I have endured the depth and weight of loss many times over so it wasn't that difficult to imagine how  vulnerable these two tiny humans might feel as they leave the safety of their mother's womb to face the unknown reality of the outer world. 

Authors often compare writing a book to pregnancy, and the eventual release, to birth. It's true that incubating a story takes months, often years, and there's no greater feeling than seeing your book come to life on bookstore shelves and in the hands of readers. Writing, editing, rewriting and revising is hard labor, but the rewards are plenty. One of those rewards is seeing your book cover for the very first time. I remember literally squealing when I first received the cover comps for This I Know. As some of you might remember, the real-life mother of that gorgeous red-headed child on the cover found me on Facebook and shared more photos of her daughter to use in our book trailer. 

My next book won't be out for another 175 days (whose counting, right?) but this is the week I get to reveal the cover. Before I do, I'd like to share the opening sentences to give you a feel for the book:

The Olders are letting us watch the birth. Harmony runs up the path ahead of me, her bare feet kicking up a cloud of dust. When she gets to the teepee she turns and yells, "Come on Blue! Aren't you excited?"

This story takes place in a fictional Northern California commune during the 1960s and 70s. The novel opens with young Clover Blue on his way to a birth, attended by the Saffron Freedom Community midwife. His fiercely independent best friend Harmony can't wait for the event but Blue holds back, fearful. And with good reason:

I walk slowly, taking small steps. I might be old enough at ten, but that doesn't mean I'm ready for this. I can't shake the memory of when our nanny goat, Inga, had a baby a couple years ago. She ate the sac around her kid and other stuff that came out of her afterward. I hope we don't have to eat anything that comes out after Jade's baby is born. We're vegetarian so probably not. But you never know with this family.

I loved writing Clover Blue. It was a unique opportunity to imagine coming of age in a spiritual commune among a tribe of bohemian seekers that includes a beekeeper, an army deserter, a surfer, a yoga enthusiast, a pot farmer, and their guru, among others. What would it be like to sleep in an elaborate tree house? To live in harmony with nature, without electricity or running water? To start each day with yoga and end it with meditation? To be raised equally by all the members, not knowing who your biological parents are?

Starting this week I hope to post weekly sneak peeks of passages from Clover Blue. I read the first several pages in a Live Video on my Facebook page yesterday (reading starts at 10:30) if you'd like to listen. I hope you'll follow this blog to learn more about my earnest young protagonist and his caretakers. If you add Clover Blue to your Goodreads shelf and your BookBub wish-list you'll be notified of any news like giveaways or deals. The book is also available for pre-order online. And now...drum roll please...I present the amazing cover for CLOVER BLUE. I look forward to reading your comments!

What's in A Name? (Why Choosing Character Names isn't As Easy As You Think)

One of my favorite parts of writing is choosing character names. It's also one of the most challenging. Just when I think I've settled on the perfect name I discover (usually through polling friends or from beta readers) that the chosen name doesn't work for them, usually because they have a history with it.

Take for example the name Linda. One of my favorite people in the world is named Linda. However at least three of my long-term relationships have been with men who've longingly recounted the torrid, sometimes-unrequited love affair with their Linda. One of my lovers had two special Lindas. All the Lindas in these stories are drop-dead gorgeous, highly intelligent, sexy, hilarious women who've left an indelible mark on these men's version of the ideal women. There's no way I'd not unpack my Linda baggage if I chose it for a character. 

In THIS I KNOW, claiming to be inspired by God, Reverend Carter "divines" names for his newborn children. 

"Mama told us that after each baby was born Daddy held his fat black Bible over our tiny bodies and the Lord bestowed upon him a name for his children. To tell you the truth, I don’t think Daddy was listening very well. Or maybe God changed His plans, because none of us fit our given names except for maybe Hope, who is the oldest."

I loved choosing the names that Daddy gives his daughters. I knew I wanted him to screw up because it was important to underscore the ego hidden within the act of projecting personalities upon his progeny. Ironically, as a writer, I am the all-

powerful name god and I got to name the reverend. I sometimes imagined him standing behind me as I wrote. Henry? Really? Pretty sure I'd be a James or a John, good strong names. (Insert author's maniacal laugh.)

In my next book (CLOVER BLUE/June 2019) the characters live in a spiritual commune in 1970s Northern California. Each member chooses a new name for themselves when they join--except for the children, who are named by the guru. The "Olders" pick names like Coyote, Jade, Wave, Willow, Sirona, Gaia, Lotus and Doobie. The children, referred to as "Youngers" are named Harmony, Moon, Aura, Rain and, of course, Clover Blue. You can probably imagine how fun it was to name them, right? Yes, but you wouldn't believe the list of outrageous, often horribly ridiculous hippie-dippy names I waded through before settling on this ragtag cast of characters who live in the woods without plumbing or electricity.

I feel fortunate to have been gifted with a unique name by my mother. Her name was VaLoyce, an uncommon name that rolls off the tongue and sounds exotic. I like to think my mom chose "Eldonna" for me because she believed I was the child who would fully embody such a powerful name. She once told me that she went to high school with an Eldonna and always liked the name, but I call bullshit on that. I think by the time she gave birth to her fifth daughter she ran out of girl names. She probably figured I'd adopt the shortened "Donna" but I never took to it outside our home. I was always Eldonna at school and in the workplace. I also rejected the suggestion from a well-meaning professional to use my nickname Ellie as my author name because "it's more approachable." To my siblings I am Donna. To many of my friends, I'm Ellie. But in my blood and bones, I am Eldonna. Sounds a little melodramatic to say that, but hey, Eldonna is a serious damn name.


What about you? What are your favorite or least-favorite names? Do you like your name? If you could change your name would you? What would you change it to? Have you ever stopped reading a book because you hated the character's name? 

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This is a non-monetized blog. If you enjoyed this post, I hope you'll share it. If you want to help support an author working on her next book, I hope you'll consider purchasing my books. Thank you! 

THIS I KNOW

LOST IN TRANSPLANTATION

Wading in The Wings

“Living in the present moment is the recurring baptism of the soul, forever purifying every new day with a new you.” ― Alaric Hutchinson, LIVING PEACE

Of all the days that stand out from my childhood, the times we gathered at Stony Lake for baptism services feel the most visceral. It was a big deal in our little church and nearly all of our small congregation attended. What I remember most clearly is my dad's sun-deprived white feet under rolled-up pant legs as he stood at the water's edge, holding his weathered Bible in one hand while he spoke. It didn't matter that the pages flapped in the summer breeze; he knew those words by heart, as did most of us.

I'm not Southern or Baptist but something deep and holy stuck to my bones from those annual gatherings at the lake. Two of my favorite  scenes in THIS I KNOW are a spirited community baptism that takes place at Cherry Lake and a much more personal one that occurs in a small backyard pond. To this day I much prefer baths to showers. One of the first

things I did when I bought my current home was to drop an antique claw foot bathtub in the yard under the trees. It is my sanctuary. Showers are for rinsing; the bath is more of a prayer, a purification of mind and spirit that transcends mere physical cleansing.

Waiting for my book to come out reminds me of those languid summer days wishing my dad would wrap up his long-winded sermon so I could watch him dunk people in the lake. As I count down the last several days to the long-awaited release date, I'm reminded of the words we used to sing as we gathered in the long shadows of those sandy Lake Michigan dunes. 

When peace like a river, attendeth my way

When sorrows like sea billows roll

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It's been two years since I gleefully signed a contract with my publisher for THIS I KNOW, a story about a young girl trying to navigate her kaleidoscopic understanding of Spirit, juxtaposed against her father's black-and-white image of God. My gratitude goes out to every single one of you who has cheered me on. Thank you to the many pre-release readers wrote to tell me how much you loved my little Grace Marie, shared my good news, and talked about my book to others. Today I truly can say that all is indeed well with my soul.

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Please join me for my long-awaited Launch Party on Facebook!